Home for Christmas
by lysjelonken
Summary: A Densi Christmas oneshot - definitely AU. Although historically Deeks had never had a real authentic Christmas, he had always loved the holiday. This year, though… This year was different. Something changed this year. But something changes that - creating his new favorite Christmas memory.


**Home for Christmas**

**Quick Densi Christmas fic. Definitely AU, as there is no chance that this could happen in the series. Have not yet seen new episodes as Season 5 is only now beginning to show in South Africa, and writing purely on Youtube spoiler clips.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine**

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_I'll be home for Christmas  
You can plan on me  
Please have snow and mistletoe  
And presents 'neath the tree_

_Christmas eve will find me_  
_Where the love light gleams_  
_I'll be home for Christmas_  
_And you'll be in my-…_

Deeks grumpily moved his tired body, stretching his arm far enough to reach the radio to slap at the OFF-button, ending Frank Sinatra's classic Christmas song midway.

Although historically Deeks had never had a real authentic Christmas – like in the movies, or Christmas song - he had always loved the holiday. There never was a decorated tree, or presents wrapped up beautifully in red and green underneath it. Although they did have a tradition, him and his mom – before his dad left and she became too depressed and bitter. They'd sit, huddled up, and watch the Christmas specials together, drinking cocoa. Whichever ones were on, and looked good. They'd spend their Christmas Eves and Christmas Days like that. And she'd give him his gift – most years, still in the brown paper bag from the store. Some sort of candy, every time. She'd call him her sweet boy, and there'd be one shining happy moment between Mother and Son. Which, of course, would be promptly ruined. In the Brandel household, Christmas also meant that his father was just drunk on extra-strong eggnog instead of whiskey.

As an adult, his Christmasses never got closer to the version he dreamily imagined, watching those Christmas specials as a kid. He never had anyone to share it with; to create that image with together. He never quite managed a long-term relationship like that. But he created a new tradition, and one he was proud of. Since his college years, he always spent Christmas eve in the soup kitchen, serving warm meals to the homeless excluding the year before, when they were stuck on the ship). He always found it a comfort. If he was alone, why spend the holiday wallowing in his joylessness if he could bring joy to others?

This year, though… This year was different. Something changed this year.

And it wasn't the PTSD. Or rather _just _the PTSD.

See, this year… This year he got just the smallest taste of the _possibility… _of having that someone. The person he _knew _(had known for a long time) was the person that he wanted to build that picture with. The one with the big tree and the presents with the shiny red bows on them, and the mistletoe on the mantle…

They had gotten so close. He had finally said it, told her how he felt. In so many words…

_I don't want to be here, with you, right now. I want to be at my place right now… with you._

And she had walked out, and moments later he did as well. And found her in the passenger seat of his car. And they spent the rest of the night communicating exceedingly well, with minimal words.

The next morning had been awkward – he had expected that. He'd never been great at handling Kensi. She flustered him, made him blush, made him stutter. She made him awkward. And there was little hope that she would save them from the awkwardness. Intimate situations like falling in love with you partner had never been her forte either. But they agreed, eventually. They would figure it out, make it work. He was her frozen lake… and she was his.

But then…

Just thinking about her reassignment, months ago now, made Deeks' eyes water. He was finding that when Hetty said _indefinite _she might now have been exaggerating. This wasn't an ill-timed mini-break from their partnership, like when he did an LAPD deep cover assignment for a couple months, or a vacation, or…

He was beginning to wonder if he would ever see her again.

Usually he trusted Hetty's plans. But this one seemed… cruel. Years of slowly working towards finally being able to be… together. A real couple. A complicated, real couple. But a real one nonetheless. Hetty knew that they had a thing. And she's all-knowing, so he had a hard time believing she didn't know her timing was – for lack of a better word – _crap_.

Whatever.

He'd been doing fine otherwise, all considered. He kept seeing the therapist Kensi had referred him to, kept taking his meds. He was back to work, _liasing_. Working (though tersely, unnaturally professionally for him) with his "interim" partner, a seasoned agent with silvering hair who wore suit pants to work every day. Who was very, _very _far from his beloved Fern. He missed seeing her beautiful face every day. He missed hastily averting his eyes from her jean-clad derriere to avoid being caught staring. He missed working with her, because there was no one he trusted more to have his back, and because no one else reacted quite as deliciously to his jokes and quips as she did.

He missed her. His heart longed for her, every day. And managing to keep that longing supressed enough to keep going, working, functioning was exhausting. When the tean was given the time off for Christmas, Deeks thought about how to spend it, and all plans seemed like more he could manage…

So for the first time in a good deal of years, Deeks wasn't going to the soup kitchen on Christmas Eve. He called Martha, the organizer, and apologized sincerely, citing a prior engagement. She was gracious about it. For years she had been prodding at his single-hood, and no doubt believed he was spending Christmas with the pretty girl he brought to the shelter the Christmas two years back.

He was planning to recycle his childhood tradition of Christmas specials and junk food – replacing the cocoa with beer, probably. But when even the songs on the radio was sickeningly jolly for him…

He was considering pulling out one of the action movies from his collection and watching that instead; then the doorbell rang.

Deeks considered for a moment to just leave it and pretend he wasn't home. Chances were it was Sam and/or Callen, coming to pull him out of his pit of holiday depression after his less-than-subtle avoidance of the 'What are you doing for Christmas?' interrogations, to invite (ie. drag) him into their holiday plans. Probably dinner at Sam's place, with his family. They probably have the tree and everything… If he didn't answer, maybe they'd assume he was out at a Christmas party or something and leave?

But the doorbell didn't let up. And whoever it was, was quickly getting impatient, ringing unrelentingly with the rings getting closer and closer together.

He rolled his eyes, untangled himself from the knitted blanket he was hiding underneath, and pulled himself up and towards the door with a groan.

"I'm coming, I'm coming…"

He opened the door, and what he saw made the whole world still.

"Hi." Kensi said, a smile slowly spreading on her face. She was wearing cargo pants and a black shirt, with a backpack over her shoulder. She looked like she just got off a plane back from… wherever she was_._ She looked a little worn and tired. But she looked _stunningly beautiful. _Before Deeks could allow himself to question how, when or why, she was in his arms, in an impassionate hug. He wasn't sure if he hugged her, or she him, but she was _close, _and _here, _and breathtakingly, beautifully _real. _

"I-I…" He managed, but he couldn't think of words right now. He didn't register that he started crying, but there were hot tears running down his cheeks now.

"I know." She whispered into his ear, and hugged him tightly back. "I know. Merry Christmas, Marty."

He pulled away from the hug just enough to bring their lips together in a breathless kiss. After a very slight pause, her guards dropped and he felt Kensi kissing him back. They stood kissing in his doorway, savouring each other after this reminder that they couldn't take time together for granted.

"I missed you so much." He mumbled against her lips.

"I missed you too." She pushed him into his apartment and shut the door behind them, separating them to do so.

"H-how are you..?"

"Here?" She finished the sentence for him, dropping her backpack on his floor. "Strings pulled, somewhere. I didn't question it. I just jumped when they offered. I just got off the plane. I'm home for Christmas." She smiled widely. "Just for a bit. For tonight, actually. I have to be back on the plane tomorrow to get back." She embraced him again and kissed his lips languidly. "Worth it." She breathed against his lips, sending goosebumps down his neck.

"I-I thought we were going to take it slow?" He mentally kicked himself for not being able to shut up when she was warm and pliant in his arms, against his lips.

"I've been gone for months, Deeks, and we're only kissing now." She chuckled. "I've been sitting out there in the sand, scared and tired and missing you… and I don't want to wait any more to be with you, just because I'm scared. I'm through being scared. I love you, you love me." She pulled a millimetre away with the slightest flicked of doubt in her sparkling mismatched eyes. "You do love me, right?"

He kissed her deeply, her eyes closing in response. "Of course I love you. I adore you. I miss you every second, Kens." She saw it in his eyes; she felt tears stinging her own, as she felt the loss – knowing she'd be leaving again tomorrow, not knowing for how long, after they'd wasted so much time on doubt and fear, when they could've been together.

"Ssh…" She shakily stilled him. "Let's enjoy tonight. Let's… not worry about all the rest. I just want to pretend tonight that things aren't complicated. That we're just a girl and a boy…" She chuckled, quoting him. "…spending Christmas together."

"I think we can do that." He whispered, kissing her again and again. "This is the best present ever, by the way." He mumbled against her lips as they backed up towards his bedroom.

X

"You don't have a tree." She whispered against his neck. It was wee hours of the morning, and she was lying with her head resting on his shoulder, his arms around her waist. Her arms rose to frame his face and her fingers were threading through his hair, twirling strands of gold around her finger, gently scratching his scalp like he was her scruffy little puppy dog.

"No." He said, looking up at her with the goofy smile he'd been wearing since they entered his room. "Never had. What's the point really, it's just me?"

"Mm." She pondered this. She was silent for a long moment. "I guess this is the part where I would have said 'not anymore'."

"You could still say that." Deeks said. "We don't know. You could go back to _Classified Location _tomorrow, and finish _Classified Mission _next week and be back here. And then…" He hesitated. "You could be back, at some point. I mean… a couple hours ago I was thinking I might never see you again. And now I'm seeing you." A smirk spread over his face before he could stop it, effectively turning his sincere comment into a leer and earning an indignant slap on the chest from Kensi. He laughed, and Kensi could feel the vibration of his laugh against her cheek. "I just mean, I didn't think I'd see you this soon… For all we know, this is like a good sign. And we'll see each other sooner than we think again… And I guess the point of what I'm saying, is that when you _do _get back… I want to spend Christmas with you again." He felt her smirk against his skin. "All the Christmasses." He said, softer now. "And every day in between."

He peered down and caught her deep, dark gaze as she looked up at him.

"I love you too, Shaggy." She gave a raspy chuckle. She let her hand slide down from where it was tangled in his locks to lovingly caress his cheek. She felt the slight sting of his scruff against her palm, was reminded of the same feeling against her face when she kissed him, and felt the overwhelming desire to feel that again.

"I wish I could stay so much. I wish I could be here and we could start… _really _being together. Right now. I wish we didn't have to wait." She wiped at her face to stop escaping tears from running down her cheeks, and gave a watery chuckle. "I hope you're right. I have no idea when I'm going to be done with this assignment, but I hope you're right and it's soon, so I can come back here with you. For now, though..." She let out a shaky breath. "I used to hate Christmas. Because of… Jack, and other reasons. But now…" She held his face with both hands. "I'm here right now, on Christmas Eve. And this is by far the best one for as long as I can remember… For now, let's just make a good Christmas memory. You and me… Hopefully, the first of many."

He let out a shaky breath. "You make quite an argument there, Fern."

He softly, lovingly kissed her lips – silently thinking he agrees.

This is definitely his favourite Christmas memory.

_Christmas eve will find me  
Where the love light gleams  
I'll be home for Christmas  
And you'll be in my dreams  
I'll be home for Christmas  
Till then you'll be in my dreams_

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**Oky doky… Hope you guys enjoyed that. Please review and let me know!**

**Much love, **

**Zanny**


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